The Square Peg
by picascribit
Summary: Hagrid reflects on his troubled sexual and romantic history, and wonders if this time, things will be different. aka Hagrid is tired of people only wanting him for his giant dong. Gender fluid, bisexual Hagrid. Human/centaur pairing. Underage sexual coercion. Discussion on the importance of consent and lube. Co-inspired with alchemypotato's Hagrid's Big Problem.


Rubeus Hagrid lay in his bed, staring up at the rough wooden beams of the ceiling. _Olympe_, he thought. He had never expected to meet a woman like himself. He had never known anyone else who was half-giant before. They had little else in common, it was true. She was educated and refined - a proper _lady_. But perhaps their common heritage would be enough. She would understand. She would know what it was like.

Hagrid had always known he was different. It was hard not to notice when, at the age of four, he had overtopped his father's modest height, and kept right on growing. There was no hiding his size or his strength.

His father had tried to reassure him. "Bein' big an' strong is good," he would say. "Jus' think o' all the people yeh'll be able ter help." Or, "Bein' big jus' means yeh have an extra big heart, Rubeus."

But the size of his heart and the usefulness of his strength did not matter to the other children. They had all been afraid of him, and none had wanted to be his friend. They stopped being afraid when a boy threw rocks at him, and Hagrid had cried and run away. After that, they only pointed and laughed.

Hagrid had thought things might change after he was accepted at Hogwarts. He would be a proper wizard, and no one could question his place in the world anymore. But his hopes had come to nothing. One boy had seemed friendly for a time, but in the end all he wanted was a brute to pound on the other children, to make them do what he wanted. When Hagrid refused, the boy had hexed him with painful boils. He had spent three days in the hospital wing.

There was another way that Hagrid was different, too. He liked pretty things. Ribbons and jewelry. Bright colours and soft silks. He liked the shoes his female classmates wore, and their makeup, and the sparkly clips in their hair. Sometimes Hagrid felt more like a girl than a boy - Ruby, not Rubeus - and sometimes Hagrid did not know what he felt like. It was easier to hide his feelings about his gender than is was to hide his size, so Hagrid hid them. He did not want to be any more different than he already was. But eventually his fellow Gryffindors found out his secret. They had mocked him, telling him he would make an even uglier girl than he did a boy.

After that, Hagrid stopped speaking to the other students when he could avoid it. He would hide behind the curtains of his enormous bed, or behind the strictly-enforced silence of the library, and whenever he could manage it, he would sneak away to the Forbidden Forest. That was where Hagrid had always felt happiest and most at peace. He liked the quiet, and the way it smelled. Most of all, Hagrid liked the animals. Animals made far better friends than humans. Animals did not care how big one was, or what sort things one liked, as long as one was kind and fed them. The forest was his place. It was there that he went to cry after his father had died during his second year.

Hagrid's animal friends had almost been the undoing of him. In his third year, he had been expelled based on circumstantial evidence, hinging upon his possession of an illegal acromantula hatchling named Aragog. It was only through the intervention of then-Transfiguration master and head of Gryffindor house, Albus Dumbledore, that Hagrid had been allowed to stay on as apprentice gamekeeper under the tutelage of Lendisius Ogg. Headmaster Dippet had agreed, saying that Hagrid would be Dumbledore and Ogg's problem, and that he was not to be bothered concerning his welfare.

During the first year of Hagrid's apprenticeship, something had shifted. Hagrid noticed the difference before he understood the nature of it. The students still whispered and giggled about him, but something in their manner had changed. Girls and boys alike regarded him speculatively, as if they suddenly found him fascinating. It was not that they thought he had truly opened the Chamber of Secrets - few enough had believed him capable of that - but there was something about him that had caught their imaginations.

Hagrid had not learned what it was until a warm September evening when a sixth year girl had approached him. He could not recall her name now, but he remembered the way she had taken his hand, giggling, eyes darting from side to side to make sure no one was watching, and led him into the Forbidden Forest. There, she unfastened his trousers and touched him, smiling and complimenting what she found there. Hagrid had thought it meant she liked him, so he let her do it. She had lain down and lifted her skirts, saying he could touch her, too, and he had done so, even putting a long, thick finger right up inside her. The girl had made lots of breathy, excited noises, and told him to put his cock in her, but she had changed her mind quickly, screaming at him to _take it_ out, _you great oaf! You're hurting me!_ Bewildered, Hagrid had apologised. The girl never spoke to him or looked at him again.

She had only been the first. After her, it had begun to happen frequently. A girl - or sometimes a boy - would catch Hagrid's eye and smile at him. Every time, Hagrid hoped it meant that they liked him, but every time, it turned out there was only one part of him they were interested in. They did not even treat him as a person. Hagrid hated it. He always felt dirty and used afterwards, and even more alone than before, but he so wanted the other students to like him that he always went along with whatever they wanted.

This had gone on for most of a year before Ogg caught a naked Hagrid with a semi-clothed seventh year in his bed. Hagrid had been terrified, certain that he would be thrown out of Hogwarts for good. At a tearful meeting in Dumbledore's office, he had promised the professor that he would never do anything of the kind again.

"Please calm yourself, Rubeus," Dumbledore had said, passing him a large handkerchief. "I am very glad that Mr. Ogg has brought this situation to my attention. We are not angry with you; we are merely concerned for your welfare. Now, please tell me in your own words what happened this evening between you and Mr. Sinclair."

Between gasps and sobs, Hagrid had done his best to explain how the boy in his bed had come to be there. When he trailed off into sniffles, Dumbledore frowned.

"I see. And is this the first time something like this has happened? No? I thought perhaps not." The professor looked troubled. "I am very sorry that this has happened to you, Rubeus. Your care and wellbeing are my responsibility, and it seems I have failed you in some unforgivable ways."

"Yeh've always been very good ter me, Sir," Hagrid had sniffed.

Dumbledore sighed. "You're a good lad, Rubeus, and I am a busy and forgetful man, not the attentive guardian a young man such as yourself needs. I have been remiss in your education. There is one very important lesson that every young person should learn. I am late in imparting it to you, and for that, I am truly sorry and humbly beg your forgiveness. The lesson is this: if you do not want to touch another person, or you do not want another person to touch you, you can always, _always_ say no. No matter what the circumstances, you never forfeit that right. Your body belongs to you, and you alone. Do you understand, Rubeus?"

Hagrid had looked down at his hands, knotted together in his lap. "I jus' wanted them ter like me."

"My poor dear boy," said Dumbledore sympathetically. "A person who truly likes you will also respect you, even when you say no. Saying no when you know the other person wants you to say yes takes courage. If a person cannot respect your no, then they are not worthy of your time or affection."

"What if no one ever likes me like that, Sir?" Hagrid had asked, not looking up.

Dumbledore smiled. "Good people will see your gentleness and kind heart shining like a beacon, and they will love you for it. Be patient, lad. You are young, with a long life ahead of you."

After that, Hagrid had used the forest as a place to practice saying _no_ and _I don' want ter_. It had not stopped students from approaching him, but now they went away disgruntled. Some hurled abuse at him, calling him names and telling him he should be grateful for their attention. Hagrid always cried after these encounters, but he did not feel used or dirty anymore, and when he had dried his eyes, he would think about Dumbledore and how proud he would be of Hagrid's bravery.

Hagrid had been nineteen when he met Lias, the young cinnamon roan centaur with dark eyes and curly black hair. For several months, the two of them had done no more than exchange bashful glances. It was only when Lias injured a foreleg near the gamekeeper's hut, and Hagrid helped him splint and wrap it, that they spoke for the first time. Hagrid's palms had been sweating as they touched the centaur's injured leg. Both of them hesitated before parting.

"It is forbidden," said Lais, dark eyes filled with regret.

"I know." Hagrid hung his head. "I'm prob'ly not s'posed ter either."

The centaur had swiftly reared up on his hind legs. "Once, for luck," he murmured as his lips brushed Hagrid's, and then he turned and galloped away. Hagrid had stood for a long time at the edge of the forest, staring after the vanished creature, his heart pounding. No one had ever kissed him before. No one had ever wanted to. No one but Lias.

That was not the last time it had happened, either. Hagrid volunteered for more and more tasks that took him into the forest, hoping to catch a glimpse of the young stallion. He assured the elderly gamekeeper that he could do the work himself, and did not require supervision. He did not find Lias every time, and for a while, most of their encounters culminated in no more than the brush of fingers or the barest touch of lips. Once, Lias wove a crown of flowers for Hagrid to wear in his hair. Hagrid had almost wept. No one had ever given him something so beautiful before.

Lias's words sang like poetry in Hagrid's mind, and he wanted badly to give back to the centaur some of the joy that he felt, but he never forgot Dumbledore's words. It was with shaking hands that he had asked, one bright spring day, if he might touch Lias's gleaming coat.

"I should like that very much, Rubeus," said Lias sincerely.

Hagrid had knelt so that their faces were on a level, and looked into the centaur's eyes as he put his arms around him and hesitantly stroked his sides. The centaur took half a step closer.

"May I touch you also?"

Wordless, Hagrid had nodded, and Lias's strong brown arms had twined around his neck, drawing him close for a much longer kiss than ever before.

That day had marked a turning point in their romance. From then on, neither of them could bear to let a day pass without seeing the other, and it was not long before their kisses and touches became more fervent, hands and mouths finding new and more pleasurable places to touch. They had consummated their relationship with nervous excitement one moonlit night when, Lias told Hagrid, the stars said the time was right. Lias had braced his hands against a tree, forelegs splayed to hold himself steady as he swept his long black tail to one side. There was none of the discomfort or shame that had accompanied Hagrid's previous encounters. This time, everything fit just right, and Hagrid gave himself over to a moment of the purest joy he had ever experienced. Afterwards, in the bliss of one another's arms, Hagrid had known that he would be in love with Lias forever, and they would spend their lives together in the Forbidden Forest, the happiest lovers the world had ever known.

A few weeks later, the herd had found out. Lias was out of breath and bleeding from a shoulder wound when he found Hagrid.

"They will kill me if I stay."

"I'll protect yeh," Hagrid had insisted desperately.

"No, my love." Lias's voice was heavy with sorrow. "They would only kill you, too, and then your Ministry would have the entire herd culled. I must go."

"Can I come with yeh?"

Lias shook his head. "They would hunt us down. We would never be safe. Your place is here, Rubeus. Mine is a fresh start with a new herd."

Hagrid had known he was right, but that did not stop the tears from springing to his eyes. "I didn' mean ter cause yeh trouble, Lias. I'm sorry."

"I'm not," said Lias, kissing him fiercely. "Every time Diana's light shines upon me, I will remember our time together. You will always be in my heart, Rubeus."

And then he was gone, and Hagrid was left brokenhearted and alone.

For a long time after that, there had been no one. Time passed, and Dumbledore became headmaster of Hogwarts. Relations with the centaur herd were repaired. Ogg retired, and Hagrid took over as head gamekeeper. Gradually, the shy, awkward boy grew into an enormous, bearded man. He formed friendships with a few of the school staff, and several people from the village of Hogsmeade, but apart from Dumbledore, whom he regarded with a fierce and tenacious loyalty, there had been no one to whom he felt close.

When Rosmerta came to work as a barmaid at the Three Broomsticks, Hagrid had barely recognised the once-cheerful, friendly Hufflepuff girl who had left Hogwarts only a few years before in the sad young woman who refilled his ale mug. Rosmerta's husband had been killed shortly after they were married. She never spoke about the details, but it was rumoured that Dark magic had been involved. Hagrid empathised with her - young and alone in the world - and the two of them struck up an acquaintanceship.

As the months passed, Rosmerta had begun to emerge from her grief and become something of her old self again, laughing often and teasing Hagrid to make him blush. He sometimes stayed after the pub's closing to help Rosmerta tidy up, and it was on one such occasion that she had kissed him.

Hagrid had stammered an excuse and left in a hurry. For weeks, he avoided the village and the pub, feeling miserable. He had thought Rosmerta was a friend, but what if she was just like all the others, only wanting him for one thing?

One night, a knock had come on his door.

"What d'yeh want, Rosmerta?" he asked, fear sharpening his words

"I came to explain," she said. "May I come in?"

Hagrid had not known what else to do, so he let her in. Standing in the middle of his hut, looking down at her feet, she had apologised in a low voice for scaring him off.

"Yeh should've asked first," he said gruffly.

"You're right, I should have. I'm sorry. It's been hard since Richard died. I've been sad and I've been lonely, but there are other things about being married that I've missed, too. That night, I just wanted -"

"To see if the freak's enormous cock would be enough to satisfy yer itch?" Hagrid growled. "Yeh wouldn' be the first. I never figured yeh fer one o' them."

Her eyes had widened in shock. "Oh, Rubeus! I swear to you, I never even thought about that."

He could see from her face that she was telling the truth, so he relented and explained to her about the endless parade of students who had made his life hell over the years. By the time he had finished, both her hands were pressed over her mouth in horror.

"That's awful! I'm so sorry. Have you truly never been with anyone you cared for?"

He looked away, chest tight with the thought of Lias. "There was someone once. A long time ago."

"Rubeus -" her voice was soft. "You've been such a good friend to me. I hope I haven't ruined everything. I've missed your face around the pub."

"It's not that I don' like yeh, Rosmerta," he tried to explain. "It's jus' been so nice havin' a friend. I don' want ter ruin that, either."

Rosmerta bit her lip. "I'm not looking for romance; just a little comfort and fun with someone I trust and care about. A friend. I trust you, Rubeus, and we'll still be friends no matter what. But if you decide you do want to, the offer stands."

Hagrid shook his head. "Yeh wouldn' like it. It's too - none o' the girls who tried could - Trus' me, yeh don' want it," he finished, red-faced. "Anyway, I'm a lot older than you."

To his surprise, she had smiled. "I'm a grown woman, not an inexperienced girl. I know a thing or two. You might try trusting _me_."

"I do trus' yeh. I jus' don' want ter hurt yeh."

"You won't." She stood and took one on his large hands between both of hers, squeezing it and looking up at him with wide, blue eyes. "Maybe you'll let me show you sometime."

Over the next few days, Hagrid could barely concentrate on his duties. All he could think about was Rosmerta's offer. The chance to be with someone who cared about and respected him was tempting, but the memory of all the boys and girls who had changed their minds and turned their backs on him was more raw than he had realised. If Rosmerta rejected him, he would have lost one of his only friends, as well as never being able to visit the Three Broomsticks again. It took him more than a week to make up his mind.

Rosmerta smiled when she saw him come through the door of the pub.

"If yeh want ter try it, I'm game, but there are one or two things ter get straight first," he said in a rough whisper when she brought him his ale, and her smile widened.

They did not speak again until the last patrons had left for the night. Rosmerta performed a few cursory cleaning spells, then led Hagrid upstairs to her rooms. Before things went any further, he had laid out his conditions.

"I won' do anything unless yeh tell me ter do it," he told her. "I won' hurt yeh, an' either of us can say stop anytime with no hard feelin's."

She had to charm her bed to make it big enough to take his bulk. His hands were trembling when she put them on her body and showed him how to touch her. She had large breasts, and a broad, round backside that neatly filled Hagrid's palms. The size of his cock did not seem to perturb nor overly fascinate her. She handled it with a sure and experienced touch.

"You're big, but I have a couple of ideas we can try." She showed him two potions on the nightstand. The first was a mild Shrinking Solution. The second was something called lube. "The Shrinking Solution is only temporary, I promise."

Hagrid would not have minded if it were permanent. A slightly smaller cock might have made his love-life easier in the long run.

"I trust yeh."

The potion had made him smaller, but it had not made him small. He had begun with something the length and thickness of her forearm, with a head the size of her fist. After the application of the potion, there were still nine inches or so left to work with. The Shrinking Solution had made his skin tingle. The lube was warm and slippery on her palm, and made him moan.

She had urged him onto his back and climbed on top of him, straddling his cock, knees cradled in the hollows of his hipbones. "Just relax," she murmured as she lowered herself onto him. The place between her legs was even slipperier than the lube. Hagrid gasped as he felt her open to the pressure of his cock. The fit was snug, more so than it had been with Lias, but so much easier than with any of the others. None of them had been able to take more than a few inches, but Rosmerta took all of him, a look of rapture on her face as she gasped _Merlin, yes_. And then she was riding him hard, cursing, touching herself as she moved up and down, and moaning _come on come on comeoncomeon ..._ It had been only moments before he had shuddered with climax, as she screamed out her own release.

"Gods, I needed that," she groaned, as they lay sticky and sated.

Hagrid had needed it, too, more than he had realised. Their friendship continued much as before, full of laughter and teasing comments, but every few weeks, he would stay after closing time and follow her up to her rooms. She taught him about the magic of proper lubrication, and showed him how to pleasure her with his mouth, to make her ready for him. In time, Hagrid had come to trust Rosmerta so absolutely that he asked her to call him "Ruby" when they were alone. Sometimes, they would talk all night, and she would plait his hair and tie ribbons in his beard and tell him he was beautiful. He knew she took other lovers, but he did not care; she always made him feel special.

And now another special person had come into Hagrid's life. He wondered if Olympe felt the same. Meeting her had set his imagination reeling, and he thought perhaps she too could feel the spark and tension in their interactions. She was an uncommon woman, but it would take an uncommon person to love a man like him, as long as they were uncommon in the right ways. Tomorrow he would find out if Olympe Maxime was the right sort of person. Tomorrow, Hagrid would show her the dragons.


End file.
